21.06.25 - A Life Without Jet

 Hello again.

Doctors seem to chop and change around lately, but one of the recent ones suggested I journal. And to be honest I had completely forgotten about this site. Last post was what, 2 years ago? Damn. Slack. Anyway. 

So what have I been up to? Not much. Still applying for jobs. Still getting nowhere. Everyone seems to keep saying the market will pick up around August but I'm not really holding my breath there. Too spiky to focus on, other than just keep applying.

I just turned 29 last week. That was interesting. Went ice skating with my best friend. That was cool. Cake was made yesterday actually. Somehow it tasted better being a few days after said birthday, ha ha.

I think I might be rambling for the sake of trying out my new keyboard. It's a Varmilo Minilo98. Can't have a keyboard without a numpad. Guess I'm not a real Gamer.

Speaking of games, I'm pretty disappointed in the whole Marathon reboot. They've since said they'll delay it, and thank fuck they did. I'm cautiously optimistic that it might be good once they actually work on it properly now. But time will tell of course.

Still playing Halo Infinite. Got the EVA helmet, got the Hayabusa helmet. Feels good.

Shadowverse Beyond Worlds is also somehow fun? Being up to date with the current meta is a bit of a grind but I feel better than I did trying to play catchup in the first one. 

Death of the Outsider was fun to play along side my bestie. I feel fortunate enough not to care about playing things in order, so doing this one first shouldn't impact how I feel about the other 2 games, whenever I get around to them. I miss stealth games. I'm really hoping they'll reveal the Splinter Cell remake soon. Come onnnnnn.

I also ordered a Samsung Galaxy Tab S7+ and I can't wait to get my hands on that. I did about 3 days of solid research with the budget I was willing to spend and I think I decided carefully. This desk is okay but I've noticed with the new keyboard I'm not actually that comfortable sitting at it. I feel like a shrimp click-clacking away here. I need to look into raising the monitors somehow. Maybe take the desk down a peg? All of the above? Yeah.

Jet passed away last month. She was 18. She did well. She outlived a dozen pets. Onyx, Topaz, Jasper, Chevy, Ebony, Graphite (not sure what happened to him actually), Dexter, Lily (that one was a possum if you can believe it), and a bunch of rabbits and goldfish. So yeah, she did incredibly well. I'll see you in the next life, old pal.

I feel estranged at times. This loss felt very shattering for me. I couldn't imagine a life without old kitty cat, but I guess I'm gonna have to now. With the brain that I have, I can't get as close to my family as I would like to. It doesn't feel good. My soul feels... unsettled. It's very difficult to get along with them. I'm hesitant to talk about certain family members in a place like this, so I'm gonna keep this one on paper. But the gist of it is that I have issues with some of them. Issues that aren't entirely on me, as they would have me believe. But as the doctor says, better focus on things I can control. Also, it wasn't just my cat, it was theirs too. I have to remember that.

Meds seem to be helping me manage my gripes with the day-to-day. Making me feel more, but smoothing out the spikes. I guess that's a good thing. 

I feel like deleting all of this. I don't think typing this all out has helped. Maybe it's too soon to gauge that? Eh. I'll keep it up.  

I should put a notification on my phone to blog every week. Yes? Yes.

Signing off for now. 

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